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Volume 4 Number 27       July 28, 1999       Norman Bales, Editor

CONTENTS


JUST VISITING

If you haven't been to our website recently, I would like to urge you to pay us a visit. From time to time many of you ask for previous issues of the newsletter. All our previous newsletters are archived at http://www.allaboutfamilies.org. We have recently changed our search engine, which is an improvement over our old one. We've also added a survey form. We plan to leave each survey question up for about a month. We would appreciate your response to the survey. It will be most helpful in planning future editions of the AAF Newsletter. We're still working on the transition to our new server. Hopefully this will be completed within a few weeks and our tech glitches will be reduced to a minimum. I'm reluctant to say they will be eliminated. It seems like they never are.

Norman

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"SEVEN SIGNS OF A SICK MARRIAGE"

by Norman Bales

While going through some of my study materials I ran across some information that I think most married couples can use. It seems a lot of things come in sevens, like "The Seven Danger Signals of Cancer." If you are serious about building the best marriage relationship possible, then you might want to print out these seven signs of a sick marriage and post them where you can see them often, like on your bathroom mirror. Caution: Don't post them in a place where only your spouse can see them. You'll have to start by taking responsibility for your own contributions, or lack thereof, to a healthy marriage.

I don't know Lindsay Curtis, but I understand that he is a medical doctor. At any rate he recognized the fact that relationship problems can contribute to physical illness. He keeps a set of calling cards in his desk with messages printed on both sides. On the front side you see the name of his clinic, the appropriate telephone numbers and other information relevant to his medical practice.

On the reverse side, the card lists "Seven Warning Signals of a Sick Marriage."

Here they are:

  1. When courtesies are abandoned.

  2. When couples begin to think in terms of"I"instead of "We."

  3. When they stop complimenting each other.

  4. When stubborn silence replaced common-sense communication.

  5. When they stop praying together.

  6. When they fail to sense and meet the needs of each other.

  7. When they fail to express love.

* * * * *

"FROM THE E-MAIL BOX"

A reader in Australia asks for information relating to child abuse. If you know of useful resources that will assist him, we will be glad to forward the information to him. Here's a portion of his message.

"Last week we had two friends come to us and tell us about some bad sexual experiences. One was an 18-year-old girl who had been raped by a boyfriend after she ended their relationship. The second was a mother whose 9 year old daughter had been molested by a 19-year-old boy a few days previously.

Apart from the personal issues these people are having to work through, I am interested in the wider issues of why is this happening. Both the mother of the 9 year old and the father of the 18 year old said in nearly identical words: "It has always been there, it's just that people talk about it more now."

This seems to be a widely held opinion. Sexual abuse has always been there at the current rates, but we just hear more about it now. I suspect that this is not true and that we are kidding ourselves to make us feel better about a situation that is out of control. If people didn't talk about it in previous generations, how do we know it's just as bad now as it was then?

Are you aware of any sociological research that indicates one way or another if sexual assaults and sexual abuse are higher now than say 50 years ago? Do you know where I might go to find this sort of information?"

* * * * *

PERCEPTIONS

"One Man's Betrayal"

by Rob Regier

The abortion issue continues to be a hot topic. Most discussions center around a womans "right" to have control over her own body. However, abortion is also an issue that involves men. You'll find thought provoking commentary on the moral crisis involving men .

You can read about it

at

http://www.allaboutfamilies.org/sh/percep27.html

If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can "ASK THE COUNSELOR." Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikal@allaboutfamilies.org

Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org

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